I'm still here.

Sadly, it has been reported to me by more than one of my blog followers (I was somewhat surprised to know that more than three people even follow my blog!) that they thought that the title of my last blog entry, in addition to my long absence from the blogosphere, may be an indication that I was done blogging forever. Not so, not so.

I am still here.

The holidays were very busy this year and I was inundated by self-appointed projects that sapped my time and energy but were extremely rewarding. I will be reporting back soon.

I have still been writing and will be sharing many of my excerpts here in the weeks and months to come.

I hope your holidays have been filled with family and joy and a recognition of the many blessings God has given each one of us.

Nearing the end...

We are on our last week of the Travelin'Oma School Days Seminar, and I have loved it. It has been very difficult at times and yet extremely rewarding. I will miss having this class to look forward to every day but am hoping to take my {long} list of blog ideas and post pretty frequently.

One thing I have really learned during this class is that when I make something a priority (like completing my assignments), I can make it happen if I really try. As long as I try to make one thing a priority (like journal writing, or something similar), maybe I can make that happen as well. An additional insight I gained was the importance of being accountable to someone for this goal. I wanted to let Oma know that I was doing the assignments and it encouraged me to make it happen. Maybe in some of my other goals I can find someone to be accountable to and I will have greater motivation to complete them...

I hope that Oma considers doing another of these seminars in the future - even if the format changes to make it more "doable" for her. I am interested in anything she wants to base it on, since I have grown so much lately when stepping outside of my comfort zone. I look forward to continuing to follow her blog, even when a seminar is not going on, for her valuable thoughts and inspiring writing.

School of Thought Seminar Final

Travelin’Oma, Week 11, Day 5. Final exam week! This is the last day of finals and next week is class review time.

School of Thought Seminar Final

What's your school of thought?

Are You A Fascinating Person?
1. Are you updated on current affairs? Do you follow the latest news? I’m fairly up-to-date, mostly by talking with my husband about what he gleans from the news.
2. In a one-one conversation, do you talk more or do you listen more? I wish I listened more. I’m sure I don’t, and that I talk much more.
3. Do you like trying out new things like visiting a new restaurant, trying out a new sport, etc? Oh, sometimes. Not terribly often, but sometimes I enjoy it.
4. Do you devote time to your dress and appearance before you go out? I am trying to more often, but it’s probably only about half of the time.
5. Are there any secrets about you that you haven't shared with even close friends? Definitely.
6. Are you game for adventurous stuff? Not that often. I get really anxious about new situations.
7. Do you manage to get introduced to new people in parties and indulge in long conversations? Occasionally.
8. Are you a well-read person? I like to think I am.
9. Are you a well-traveled person? Fairly well-traveled.
10. Can you make people laugh? Mostly not. I’m not a very funny person.

Are you a confident person?
1. Can you choose a new outfit alone? Yes. Sometimes it’s nice to have a second opinion though.
2. You walk into a room full of people. Suddenly you find everybody watching you. Do you become terribly self-conscious? Not really.
3. You reach the airport to find that your flight got canceled in the last minute. What would you do? I would probably sit for a minute to gather my faculties and then try to figure out how to fix things.
4. You enter a posh restaurant to find everybody else in formal clothes. You are wearing casuals. Would it ruin your evening? Not unless they made me leave.
5. You are at a job interview in a big corporation. Suddenly you find out that the CEO himself is conducting the interview. Do you panic? No.
6. You are attending a seminar. Suddenly the speaker wants you to come on the stage to give your views. Will you get jittery? No.
7. You are enjoying a party with your new date. Suddenly your ex walks in. What do you do? It depends on how I still felt about the relationship and how things ended…
8. Are you afraid of visiting families that have suffered a death? No.
9. Would you go and visit a dying person? Absolutely
10. If someone embarrassed you in public, you would you react? I would probably try hard not to cry and act like it didn’t bother me.

Are you a crafty person?
1. What do you call the art of folding paper? Origami.
2. What is the name of the fabric commonly used for cross stitch? No idea…
3. What is papier-mache? When some sort of material (paper, fabric, etc.) is dipped in a glue substance and layered around a form and dried to harden.
4. Is acrylic yarn natural or man-made? Man-made.
5. Where does mohair come from? Yaks?
6. With which piece of crafting equipment would you use a shuttle? Weaving loom.
7. How many threads are twisted together in a typical skein of embroidery floss? 6?
8. What do pinking shears do? Cuts a zig-zag line.
9. Old sewing machines were powered by using your feet. What was the foot pedal called? No idea.
10. Is a Spinning Jenny used for making pots or making yarn? Making yarn.
11. What is Kumihimo? No idea.
12. Which craft would you be doing if you were making a plant hanger by knotting long lengths of rope? Macrame
13. In which craft would you use the stippling technique? Quilting.
14. What are lazy daisy, french knot, stem and blanket? Types of stitches.
15. Which craft tool cuts out a shape from paper or card when you press on it? Die cutting machine.
16. What is a highly scented purple/blue flower often used in scented sachets? Lavender.
17. What is gutta used for? No idea.
18. What is repoussage? No idea.
19. Is whittling a wood craft or a wool craft? Wood craft.
20. What do you call the hole in a needle where you push the thread through? Eye.


Craft Trivia Answers as provided by Travelin'Oma: 01. Origami / 02. Aida / 03. The art of modeling with torn or shredded paper stuck together with glue / 04. Man-made / 05. Angora goats / 06. Weaving loom / 07. (6) / 08. Scissors which cut a zig-zag line / 09. Treadle / 10. Making yarn / 11. The art of Japanese braid making / 12. Macrame / 13. Stenciling / 14. Types of embroidery stitches / 15. Punch / 16. Lavender / 17. Outlining designs on silk for painting / 18. The art of forming a raised impression on metal from the reverse side / 19. Wood craft / 20. Eye

How I spent my afternoon...

If you are wondering how I spent my afternoon (and believe me, you do), check out the post my mom just wrote about it.

{Sigh...} My days with boys will be filled with days like this, I'm afraid.

Family Matters Seminar Final

Travelin’Oma, Week 11, Day 4. Final exam week! This quiz was for yes or no answers and then some short answer questions. The questions Oma put forth are “bolded,” with my answers following.

Family Matters Seminar Final

What's your opinion on family matters? Answer these questions yes or no.

I usually celebrate my birthday with family. Yes.
I try to participate in my extended family functions and gatherings. Yes.
If my friend's birthday and my nephew's birthday fell on the same day, I would go to my nephew's birthday party. Yes.
I would love to spend New Year's Eve with my family. Yes.
Most of my movie outings and picnics are with family. Yes.
I know all my cousins. Yes.
In case of any great news, I inform my relatives (siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc.) first. Yes.
If I have any problems, I share them and consult with my family. Yes.
My family is a good support to me. Yes.
I support family members in their times of need. Yes.
I can name my children's best friends. Yes.
I can name my partner's best friends. Yes.
I know what stresses my partner is currently facing. Yes.
I know the names of some of the people who have been irritating my partner lately. Yes.
I can tell you some of my partner's life dreams. Yes.
I can tell you about my partner's basic philosophy of life. Yes.
I can list the relatives my partner likes the least. Yes.
I feel that my partner knows me pretty well. Yes.
When we are apart, I often think fondly of my partner. Yes.
My partner really respects me. Yes.
I respect my partner. Yes.
I notice what my partner does for me and express appreciation. Yes, I try to.
My partner generally likes my personality. Yes.
I like my partner's personality. Yes.
At the end of the day I am glad to see my partner. Yes.
I listen respectfully to my dad, even when we disagree. Yes.
I am beginning to understand my mom. Yes.
I check up on my married siblings often. Yes.
I have developed friendships with my brothers/sisters-in-law. Yes.
I occasionally call my aunts and uncles just to say hi. No. I usually talk to most of them often enough for things I need to talk to them about to squeeze in saying hi as well.
I am trying to forgive family members who have treated me poorly in the past. Yes.
I know my grandmother's maiden names. Yes.
I know my great-grandparent's names. Yes.
My kids know what my dad did for a living. Yes. “Domain Monger, this is Ray.”
I am consciously trying to strengthen my family. Yes.

Think about the questions you answered "no." Do they matter to you? It matters to me to talk to my aunts and uncles, but I talk to many of them fairly frequently.

Essay questions. Choose two.
What does your family count on you for?
If one of your relatives were to brag about you, what would they say?
What praise or acknowledgment have you gotten from your relatives that is meaningful to you?
Name five qualities of your mom or dad that you most respect or admire. Which of those qualities are also true about you?

If one of your relatives were to brag about you, what would they say?

They might say that I am organized and think of all the details that need to be attended to. They might also say that I am willing to help with taking care of getting things done, no matter how busy I am. Recently I helped my cousin with her wedding and she told me that maybe in the next life I should be a wedding planner because I was careful to consider all the details, creative with my problem solving, and willing to help it all happen.

Name five qualities of your mom or dad that you most respect or admire. Which of those qualities are also true about you?

I want to do this for both parents.

First, my mom.
1. She is organized
2. She loves to read
3. She loves to complete projects
4. She has wonderful relationships with her husband and children
5. She loves to play games

Now, my dad.
1. He is the most generous person I have ever known
2. He is a hard worker
3. He has made Joseph feel so much a part of the family, just like a son
4. He is good at including his children in things he is doing
5. He is great cook

So now the part about which qualities are also true about me. We have a saying in my family to indicate how much we are like each of our parents. It involves percentages that reflect how much we are like one parent versus the other. For instance, I might do something just like my mom and someone might say, “90, 10,” indicating that I am 90% like my mom and 10% like my dad. In general, I would say that I am probably "90, 10" or else "80, 20," leaning toward my mom. Joseph laughs all the time about how similar my mom and I are. However, in this case, I hope that even though I might not be all stellar at of the five qualities I listed for my dad, I can follow his example and get closer and closer to emulating these aspects of his life.

Grade yourself on your relationship with your family. I give myself an A, not for perfection but for the effort I put into those relationships.

Imagination

To many of you, the pictures above may appear to be the cardboard used to wrap a bolt of fabric around. You would be correct. The other day when I was purchasing fabric, I happened to use the end of the bolt with both of the fabrics I was buying so the employee sent me home with both of them still wrapped on the cardboard centers. I thought I might use them for wrapping fabric remnants on, packing artwork, or just tossing them in the recycle bin.

However, in about 15 minutes after my children discovered these gems, they had found many more uses for them than I could have dreamed of. In no particular order, they were used for:

fighting (imaginary) alligators

a book (turning the pages...)

a ramp - quite a steep hill, in fact - for cars to race down

a drawbridge

a table for eating at

a ship for transporting important goods

drums

Children are amazing...

A thank you note

To whom it may concern:


I would like to thank you for your marvelous invention of the washable crayon. You have saved my relationship with my children as well as my relationship with my parents. Let me relate a story to illustrate.

Several weeks ago, when I was at my parents house with my children, I was upstairs doing dishes while my children were supposed to be taking a rest. When I went down to make sure that my two-year-old son was asleep, he was quietly snoring on his bed. Relieved, I went to the toy room to sit for a moment when I discovered, to my horror, artwork adorning almost every surface imaginable all around the room. There were doodles on the glass in front of the gas fireplace, lines across the cupboards, scribbles on a whiteboard, circles on the walls, "writing" on toys, and the list goes on. My first thought was, "My parents are going to kill me." My second thought was, "I am going to kill my son." Although I had purchased washable crayons for this very reason, I had never had any experience with the necessity of cleaning them up in such a fashion and I did not think that each of these many and varied surfaces would escape permanent damage caused by my son's artistic rampage. Thankfully, I was wrong. These crayons wiped right off, with just the aid of a damp paper towel. Completely gone. No more waxy residue as evidence that my son was not angelically slumbering in his bed for the entire period of my absence.

Once again, thank you. I will proudly and faithfully recommend washable crayons to every parent of young children. I hope it will save many relationships of parents and children, of all generations, in the future.


Sincerely,

Audrey Hanks

Book Shelf Seminar Final

Travelin’Oma, Week 11, Day 3. Finals week! The following questions were the quiz (not multiple choice). I really liked this one. My answers are simply the ones following the “bolded” questions.

Book Shelf Seminar Final: Are you a bookworm?

Do you own more than 100 books? Absolutely! Although cataloguing my library is a project for the future (one of those that I lay in bed at night planning for), I don’t currently have them listed and they are still packed in many, many boxes since we still don’t know where we will be living yet. I estimated that I have somewhere between 750 and 1000 volumes, but who knows…

Do you read any book or magazine that is handy? Of course. I have read a great number of things I would never of dreamed of perusing because they were the only literature available.

Have you ever read the cereal box? Yes. Too many times to count.

Do you have a membership with the local library? Yes. My first library card was from when I was in first grade and I have had one ever since.

Do you go to the library more than once a week? Probably not more than once a week, but it is definitely a place I visit often.

Would you rather read a book than go out with friends? I’m with my mom on this one. I’d take the friends since they aren’t always available, but books are always there.

Do you visit the bookstore more often than you do your mother? No, since currently I am living with my parents, that would be pretty difficult to do.

Do you wear glasses? If so, was reading the reason you got them? I wear glasses but funny enough, I take them off to read.

When asked your favorite hobbies, do you reply with a single word "reading?" That’s actually consistently my first answer but it is usually followed up by things like quilting, travel, photography, and designing.

Have you ever stayed in bed all day reading? I have spent several days of my life doing this, but not for quite a few years. Oh, to be able to do this again… Maybe one day on vacation or once my children are all grown up and gone.

Essay question: Leave a comment about the book you're reading right now.

I am currently reading two books.

The first book I am reading was actually mentioned in one of Oma’s early School Days posts:
10 Steps to Fashion Freedom by Malcolm Levene and Kate Mayfield. I am loving it! It is a marvelous way to rethink how you feel about yourself, inside and out. I checked it out from the library and liked it so much (and want to refer back to it in the future) that I decided to buy it for my own library (second-hand from thriftbooks.com).

The second book is The Winds of War by Herman Wouk. I have heard wonderful things about this one for a long time. So last week, when Joseph and I were squeezing in a trip to Sam Weller’s Bookstore in Salt Lake City, one of our favorite used (and new) bookstores, in between a wedding we were attending and the luncheon following the ceremony, and we decided to each find a book to purchase, a used copy of The Winds of War was my choice. (As a matter of interest, Joseph’s selection was a well-worn copy of The Complete Poems of Robert Frost.) In the thirty-ish pages I have read thus far, I am definitely enjoying it. I can’t wait to delve in further.

Travel Studies Seminar Final

Travelin’Oma, Week 11, Day 2. Finals week! Below is the quiz that Oma gave on Travel. I have highlighted my answer from the multiple choice selections by “bolding” the answer. (I am also “bolding” the questions.) Any additional thoughts are in brackets following my answers.

Travel Studies Seminar Final

1. What is your traveling style?
~ Going on a super luxury cruise, relaxing and eating well for a week.
~ Going with friends on a history bus tour with a guide. {Not so much with the bus tour with a guide, but maybe on a bus with ourselves (and our guidebooks) as our guides.}
~ Going on a wildlife safari or a mountaineering expedition.


2. How many clothes do you usually take along on a holiday?
~ At least 2 new sets of clothes for every day of the vacation.
~ One set per day is usually enough.
~ I can easily manage in 3-4 sets, no matter how long the vacation.


3. How many pieces of luggage did you carry on the last vacation?
~ Including the sleeping bags and the tent?
~ Two suitcases, carry-on, shopping bag, purse, tote, diaper bag, laptop, pillow, coat.
~ A backpack, that's all.


4. Given the following choices, where would you prefer traveling to?
~ Alaska or Tahiti
~ India Or China
~ Kenya Or Greenland


5. What is your preference regarding hotels, while on vacation?
~ A luxurious five star, with a room service 24 hours duty.
~ A medium priced hotel, with just the necessities.
~ A Tent rules.


6. What are your food preferences on a holiday?
~ A six course meal at the best restaurant in town.
~ A decent meal at a good place for $12.
~ Whatever you can carry in your cooler. {Although I occasionally balance it out with both of the other options to this question…}


7. How do you travel while on a holiday?
~ A rented car.
~ Public transport.
~ By foot, wherever possible. {A combination of both of these answers – depending on the situation.}


8. What's your dream vacation?
~ Biking down the California coast.
~ Eurailing around Europe for three months.
~ Two weeks at a beach resort.


9. You and your friends are hiking. You
~ Take the most difficult route; it's no fun otherwise.
~ Take the route everyone else takes.
~ You take the simplest route, after all reaching the destination is important.
~ {These answers don’t really fit me. I would probably take the route that fits the situation best – whether I was with children or not, wanted the hike or the destination or both – but I do like to get off the beaten path when I can.}


10. While on a beach
~ You prefer to go surfing or scuba-diving.
~ You are content with swimming in water.
~ You would rather stay on the beach and build sand castles {read!}. {I definitely go with a combination of all three here.}


11. In an amusement park, you will be seen
~ On the new gigantic roller-coaster.
~ Taking the scenic train ride.
~ Watching the kids while reading a book.


12. Someone says they're taking you bungee jumping.
~ You are totally game for it. Wow!
~ You express your doubts, but are persuaded.
~ You throw up.


13. When you are on a camping trip
~ You cook and eat whatever you can catch.
~ You bring fried chicken for dinner, and muffins for breakfast. {Although Joseph would probably be cooking and so it would likely be the first answer.}
~ You hire a dutch oven chef.


14. You're planning a long road trip with the kids. You
~ Buy a new car with a built in DVD player.
~ Take plenty of benedryl.
~ Buy several copies of Harry Potter, and read it out loud together.


15. You're in Washington DC for a long weekend. You can't wait to
~ Visit all the Smithsonian museums.
~ Take a city tour to see the Lincoln Memorial and other monuments.
~ Sleep in every morning, take in a movie, and see a live ballet that night.


Timed test: You have 15 minutes to plan a trip. Use Expedia, Travelocity, or any other resource to find a flight/driving route, plus a hotel/place to stay in a city of your choice. Is it do-able? Pack your bags!


Disneyland, coming right up! I think my children are getting old enough that they would really enjoy Disneyland. Now all my prep is done, we just need to find some time off to go...




I did a quick look-up and found driving directions, a hotel to stay in, and discount tickets to the park. I haven't been there since I was a kid, however, and would love any input from any of you on fun, inexpensive places to stay or places to get good deals on discount tickets to the park.

Write Away Seminar Final

Travelin'Oma, Week 11, Day 1. Finals week! This is the quiz Oma gave on writing. Some answers here might not make sense unless you also take a look at the quiz.

Write Away Seminar Final

1. The power in your house goes out, and you are stuck with candles and nothing to do but think. How long could you entertain yourself just sitting?

~Hours. I'd plan, plan, plan. I’d make a mental list of all of the projects I have been wanting to do and start thinking of the best way to attack each of them. I’d also likely think of all kinds of other projects I wanted to do and figure out how to do those as well. (I’m a little bit like “If you give a mouse a cookie” when it comes to projects…)


2. You're writing and the phone rings. You:

~Answer it – I get distracted easily.


3. The person calling is one of your dearest friends, who wants to get together for brunch and a good long chat. Unfortunately, this brunch will take place during your scheduled writing time. You:

~Decide to go. You can’t always go to lunch, but you can schedule other things (like writing or laundry or most of my daily tasks) for another time.


4. You're at the restaurant with your friend when you have a fantastic idea for a novel. You:

~ Are shocked. I wouldn’t have imagined that I would think of something so great, but I am completely prepared to write it down since I carry a notebook with me everywhere. (Although, come to think of it, if I thought of something like that, I would probably have no problem recalling it later when I got home!)


5. You imagine yourself as a successful writer. What is the image that is clearest in your mind?

~Your backside glued to the chair, your cramped fingers on the keyboard, and your blurred eyes on the monitor. And for me, trying to think of something clever to write on my blog.



6. If money was no issue, what would you do with your spare time?

~Shop til I drop, then go to a fabulous used bookstore and buy thousands of dollars of books on the list to complete my perfect library. Then, after outfitting a room in my home as a library with floor to ceiling book shelves and overstuffed brown leather chairs, I would sit alone in a room full of books and read.


7. Do you have . . .

~Several emails in my inbox with the subject “blog idea:______” with each blank filled with ideas for future blog entries.


8. You figure the biggest benefit of becoming a writer is:

~The writing.


9. You read:

~You invented the term multi-tasking because reading IS your "something better to do". You usually have a book in hand no matter what else you're doing at the time.


10. You have some strong opinions about a political issue. You:

~Discuss it at length with my husband.


11. You realize you have an experience that would benefit others. You:

~Write a blog entry about it.

Essay question: Am I right for writing?

Yes… at least that’s what I want to believe. It may take me many more years of practice, but I’m starting to feel like there may be hope for me as a writer. However, my aspirations are not to be a Great American Novelist, or to write a treatise that lands me on the NY Times Best Seller List. I want to express my thoughts clearly, effectively, and with an element of wit or beauty. I want to be able to move people with the words that pour from my fingers. But I don’t need to move the masses; I just want to touch the lives of those nearest to me – to somehow change them for the better.

You Are Not Alone

Travelin’Oma, Week 10, Day 5 – I can’t believe I’ve made it this far!

You are not alone.

When I first found out that what I had been struggling with for several years was depression and anxiety, I felt very alone. I felt kind of like a hypocrite walking around and acting like everything was just fine when inside I felt such complete darkness. I was overwhelmed, yet relieved to know that now that my illness had a name, I could start on the road to recovery. I got a prescription for antidepressant medication, but a doctor who was not very sensitive gave me a medication that was not a very appropriate fit for my symptoms and required that I stop nursing my 9-month old baby. “Go home, feed him for the last time, and then start taking this medication,” he told me. It was awful. I rocked Austin while I fed him and sobbed and sobbed, feeling even more like an inadequate mother than I already felt now that I was unable to provide for his most basic needs. (As a side note, it actually turned out to be a big blessing that I had to stop nursing him, but that’s a story for another day.)

As I looked at the women around me, they looked like they had it all together, and I had a throbbing ache in my chest that took a long time, and medication, to go away. I am immensely blessed to have an incredible and understanding husband who has been right by my side holding my hand and stroking my hair when I need him to. However, I still felt very alone.

Then two major blessings came my way that helped me to know how much God loved me by letting me know that I was not alone – there were others around me to help and He was always there for me, night and day. These blessings also changed how I have approached my depression ever since. Incidentally, they both came through the Visiting Teaching program of my church, a program that allows us women to support and uplift one another through assignments where we are asked to visit and teach women around us.

The first one occurred when I was visiting with two other women down the street from me and we were chatting away about life and school, etc. One of them mentioned something about having forgotten to take one of her medications the previous day and she off-handedly named the medicine as she was telling us this story. I recognized the medication as one of the ones the doctor had indicated as a possibility for me to take for my depression. As I was in the throes of determining which prescription was most helpful for me, I was very interested in how it had worked for her. I cautiously asked her about the medicine and in so doing, found out that the other woman there also had depression and anxiety, just like me. These women seemed so well put together that I couldn’t believe that they were in a similar situation. I started to cry as I felt a small part of my burden lifted to know that there were others – even both of these women in front of me – out there who knew what the darkness and worry felt like that had been gnawing away inside of me for so long. To find that they were able to function so well and seem so “normal” was just what I needed at that time.

The second experience happened a few weeks later when two women who were good friends were at my apartment visiting me. They caught me on a particularly difficult day and when they asked how I was doing, I burst into tears. I had been trying to keep from weighing others down with my trial, but I felt safe with them and it all came pouring out. I found out that one of the women was a yoga instructor and, knowing that we were also tight on money (another large stress in my life at the time), she offered to let me attend her classes for free to try to help with the depression. This was just what I needed. It allowed me to have an emotional release as well as exercise. They even offered to arrange babysitting for me if Joseph wasn’t available at the times the classes were held. Had I not shared with them, they would not have been able to help me in a way so specific to my needs.

It has been several more years since I started getting this under control and I have good times and not-so-good times, but I have remained fairly open since then with others about my depression and anxiety. I don’t like to make others uncomfortable or burden them with the struggles of my life – I try to be pretty matter-of-fact about it – but I hope that it allows others to not feel alone. If anyone is under the seriously misguided illusion that I have it all together in my life, they can know that I don’t, and I hope that it gives them strength to not hold themselves to an unreasonable standard. I also pray that it helps those who may be struggling with depression themselves and don’t want to admit that this could really be the problem to know that it is okay – not fun, but okay – to face this and figuring out what the problem is can be the first step to stopping the feeling that you are drowning. I hope my experiences also give understanding to those around me who have loved ones that struggle with depression and/or anxiety. I have been blessed with loved ones all around me who are supportive, even if they don’t really understand how real and deep the pain can be that comes with depression. I am grateful for them and grateful for the times that they have told me that I’m not really doing as well as I thought I was so that I could start to get help again. It is sometimes difficult to monitor that yourself when you are struggling.

I’m not necessarily where I want to be yet. I don’t laugh very often, I have to remind myself to smile, and I want to feel less heaviness inside me. However, I am fighting it each day and getting closer to my goals. I hope that those around me who love me will continue to be patient with me as they help to lift my burdens every day while I struggle. For them: know that I love you and am aware of how much you do to compensate for my inadequacies. Thank you.

For anyone else who is struggling out there, and some of you have far, far greater burdens to carry than I, know that you are not alone.

A Listening Ear and an Open Heart

Travelin'Oma, Week 10, Day 1. It was a fabulous post today, Oma. I was so inspired by the beautiful stories of fellow classmates! We have some fabulous writers in our class.

A listening ear and an open heart.

Today I was able to spend some time with one of my favorite people: my cousin Lucy. We are only a few months apart in age and are very good friends. This morning I read a blog post she wrote last night about coming to the end of a phase in her life, and I thought about all that has happened in her life in these last three years. Very difficult and painful things have happened, as well as an outpouring of blessings so great that they are unfathomable to many. I have been a part of many of these experiences, but I was particularly struck today as I remembered a specific days about a year and a half ago when she was able to come pour her heart out to me in a moment of crisis and how it changed my life and hers.

As I listened to Lucy’s heart breaking, that day in June, and became more aware of the pain and suffering that she felt, I felt an aching deep inside of me while she told me of the tragedy playing out in her life. Many tears were shed by both of us, and the consequences of her decisions will affect the remainder of her days on this earth, but her decisions were the right ones. However heavy my heart was during the days and weeks that followed, I am so grateful that I was able, in a very small way, to have a part in that sorrow that she carried because it increased my understanding of her soul and opened my heart to feel an even greater love for her than I already did before.

I love you, Lucy! I will miss you so much when you move. I am so excited for your next adventure in life and hope that you will always come to me when you need a listening ear and know that I will always have an open heart to share your joys and your sorrows.

Goodies from the Substratum

*Note: This is Joseph again.


Goodies from the substratum.

I am a biologist. There are very few things that gross me out. I am often fascinated by things that send normal people running for a garbage can to throw up in. As evidence, consider that for most of Audrey's and my marriage I have appropriated an entire drawer of our bedroom dresser as a home for a collection of fungal isolates in pure culture (yes, I know - poor Audrey. My take on it is - hey, at least they're in sealed petri dishes). Notwithstanding this, my children will occasionally succeed in coming up with something that grosses even me out.

This past summer I made a trip to the high school that I used to teach at in order to gather up some teaching supplies that I had left behind in my move to my current teaching position. As I often do, I took my boys with me. After loading up the van with teaching supplies and then two boys, I climbed in and began to drive away. A minute later, a glance in the rearview mirror revealed that Austin was chewing on something. Mildly curious, I asked what he was chewing on. He replied matter-of-factly "gum."

I then had one of those flashes of insight in which I knew exactly where this conversation was going to end up, yet I didn't want to believe what I knew I was about to hear, because the truth was going to be too disgusting to contemplate. It went as follows:

J - (trying to remain calm) "Oh, where did you get the gum?"

A - (once again in an entirely matter-of-fact tone and still chewing with immense satisfaction) "off the ground," (and by "off the ground," he didn't mean from a nice clean package - we're talking second-hand gum here)

J - (suppressing my gag reflex and pushing my open hand behind me, in front of Austin's face) "Give it to me right now!"

A - (unperturbed and not relinquishing his well-masticated prize) "But Daddy, it so fresh. It so sweet!"

Disgusting.

Underestimating Children

*Note: This is not Audrey - this is Joseph, the other half of this blog, and the one drowning in schoolwork. Thus, the infrequency of my posts...

Underestimating children.

One of the most difficult parts of being a teacher is figuring out how much rigor my students can handle. Unfortunately, I think that I often err on the side of making my curriculum too easy, rather than too rigorous. I find that I occasionally make the same mistake in the education of my own children. As a result, I sometimes end up looking a little foolish.

For example, Audrey and I recently drove through Yellowstone National Park with our children. We, of course, stopped at Old Faithful geyser. Because the geyser currently erupts only about once per hour, we had to wait for a few minutes before the eruption began. Our boys spent these few minutes sliding around on the icy boardwalk and falling down a lot, while Audrey and I joined the gathering crowd of onlookers watching the whisps of steam that are constantly escaping from the geyser between eruptions.

Suddenly, about two minutes before the eruption, Austin stopped his sliding, turned to me, and initiated the following exchange:

A - "Daddy, where da hole?"(translation - "where is the geyser?")

J - (Attempting to use terminology that would make sense to a 4-year old) "Over there where the smoke is coming out of the ground"

A - (With a look that conveyed utter disgust at my stupidity) "Dat not smoke, dat hot water!"

Foolish Daddy.

I was rewarded with hearty laughter from the nearest onlookers.

Maybe kids are smarter than we think they are.

Mother Goose

Travelin'Oma, Week 9, Day 3. I was inspired!

Mother Goose.

As I wrote about in a recent post, Joseph's family grew up memorizing poetry together on a weekly basis. It is a tradition we have tried to carry on, but not very successfully. I have had a mental block for a few years now about how to do it with small children to keep it engaging and not so long that there are too many weeks until we get to the end. However, today's Travelin'Oma post about Mother Goose inspired me! This is where we'll start. Next week we will begin with a classic from Mother Goose to memorize. I am really excited. I hope this is the beginning of a long tradition for us!

Activity Centers. Done and Done.

Travelin'Oma, Week 9, Day 2.

Activity centers. Done and Done.

With two VERY active young boys, this summer I began to look ahead to this winter, when they would be cooped up and inevitably have cabin fever. I was fairly concerned about what on earth I would do to keep them occupied. Then this project hatched in my brain. It took so much logistical figuring and refiguring and more refiguring to make it all work, but I am very pleased with the results. In addition to making one for each of my boys, I also made one for my niece, Madeleine.

These activity centers house alphabet and number magnets, washable crayons, washable markers, colored pencils, notebooks, and a magnet clip to attach artwork to the working surface while in use. The working surface is a magnetic whiteboard and can be used on top of the container, like a table, or with the pad attached and placed on a lap.

I have concocted all sorts of activities for the boys to do at their activity centers, in addition to typical art activities. Sorting objects by color, working on identifying letters and numbers, spelling, math facts, checkers, tic-tac-toe, etc. I am still making the activities - and some won't be age-appropriate for a little while still - but the ideas are flowing and I am writing them all down. Please comment (or email me) if you have any ideas you would like to share for activities to add to my collection.

Now, when a rainy, or snowy, day comes, I have these in my arsenal. And by creating new activities to use with them, there will always be something fresh and exciting to capture their attention, right? I guess we'll see about that...

In my boys' kits they have two boxes with letter/number magnets and one each of crayons and markers. The fifth box is waiting for specific pieces for activities I'll make.

The pad used to cushion the board on their laps can be stored inside the lid of the box:

Then, on the back of the magnetic white board, there is a removable handle for easy transport:

The board positioned as a "table" or desk:

Oh, and the bottom of the small boxes have magnets on them so the items inside are easily accessible without falling off (if they are in the car or something):

Love Letter

Travelin’Oma, Week 9, Day 1.

Love letter.

Dearest Joseph,

I have missed you so much these last few months when we have been apart so much of the time. When I know you are coming home soon I ache to hear the front door swing open and the bells jingling to herald your homecoming.

I am grateful for your kindness, your gentleness, and your willingness to overlook my faults. I never feel the oppressing burden of expectations you have for me that I feel that I cannot meet. You celebrate my successes and never seem to see my failures. You lift me and strengthen me. There is no one else that I would rather go through this life with.

Thank you for loving me. I miss you immensely. I can’t wait to see you Wednesday afternoon…

Love,

Your adoring wife.

"I've just got a lot of work to do"

A few weeks ago, I came home from shopping on a Saturday afternoon and Austin was out sweeping the sidewalk in front of the house. When I got out of the car, he sighed loudly, cocked his head to the side, and with his hand on his hip declared, "Mom, I've just got a lot of work to do." He then proceeded to take the broom inside, open the garage door (by himself), and gather up the weeding bucket, a garden tool, my mom's pink gardening gloves, a water bottle, and a small towel. He put the water bottle in one pocket, the towel in the other, donned the gloves and took off to the flagstones in the yard carrying the gardening tool and the bucket. He meant it when he said he had work to do: he weeded for about an hour and a half, while continually insisting that he just had a lot of work to do! When I asked him about why he needed the towel, he demonstrated by removing the gloves, pulling out the towel, and wiping his brow. "My head just gets all sweaty, Mommy," he told me. Then he replaced the towel and took the water bottle from his pocket and took a swig. Carefully putting the water bottle back, he slipped his little hands into the large pink gloves, and kept at his task of the evening.

Matthew came out to "help" about halfway through Austin's work. Austin kindly shared one glove with him but made Matthew go get his own garden tool.

Horsies

Austin is a very observant boy. The other day, while we were driving, he said to me, "Look, Mommy, there are two horsies. One brown horsie and one giddy-up horsie."

My question is: what color, exactly, could "giddy-up" be?

Where Were You When...?

Travelin’Oma, Week 8, Day 5.

Where were you when...?

When I was younger, I recall my mom telling me about moments she would always remember and what she was doing when they happened – when the men landed on the moon, when JFK was assassinated, when Reagan was shot. At the time it didn’t occur to me that over time I would have my own moments like that.

On September 11, 2001, I was a junior in college at Brigham Young University. That morning I was in a class in the basement of the Talmage Building, my Secondary Ed 276 class with Nancy Wentworth teaching. Much of our work was done on the computer and so during the course of the 8am class I was checking my email and briefly saw something about the World Trade Center on a news clip at the top of the page but didn’t look into it any further. When my class was done, around 9am, I came out of the building and walked across the parking lot when my dad called. He asked if I had heard that the World Trade Center had been hit by a plane. I told him I hadn’t heard it yet but that it must have been what that news clip was about. I still didn’t really understand the impact of this event at that point. He told me that I should hurry to somewhere where I could watch it on the news and so I kept walking toward the Wilkinson Center where I was headed anyway. When I got to the bookstore entrance of the Wilk, it was almost impossible to wade through the throngs of students, faculty, and employees standing and staring at the television screens throughout the store. I was beginning to grasp the gravity of the situation, and was feeling overwhelmed as I watched the images on the screen and listened to the newscasters share what little information they knew at that point. As I finally pushed my way through the onlookers, I made it to the main area of the building with tables and chairs packed in for students to study, eat, or visit. These days, on one end of this large courtyard-type area, there is a large screen television playing the news throughout the day, but back then there was not. That day the university did something unprecedented and set up a huge projection screen and displayed CNN on it so that students could gather here (instead of the bookstore) to watch what was happening on the other side of our country.

As students slowly gathered at the table I was seated at, they were all friends that I had met on study abroad a year before in Jerusalem. It was a surreal experience to be sitting with them on this eventful day because almost exactly a year before we had been sitting together in the auditorium of the BYU Jerusalem Center having an experience much like the one we had on 9-11. A year before we had been watching CNN coverage of the pillars of smoke rise from car bombs that we could see from the balconies outside the Jerusalem Center at the beginning of the Second Intifada. This year we watched pillars of smoke rise from the Twin Towers from damage caused by terrorists. Similar conversation occurred at both times: “What happens now?” “What does this mean for me and my family?” “Are we going to be safe?” Our hearts were extremely heavy, during both events, with concern for those injured, dead, and their families who were suffering. We also reflected back on the rest of the events the year before that resulted from violent choices. A year later, we couldn’t help but wonder what would unfold as a result of these violent choices. We continued to watch as the newscasters slowly fed us more information regarding what happened that fateful autumn morning.

Photo by Shayna Marchese www.flickr.com/photos/malarchie/

In lieu of the usual Tuesday devotional, the university had a meeting to lift our hearts in prayer in behalf of those involved in this tragic incident.

Throughout the rest of the day, and through the weeks that followed, hearts were heavy as we learned of incidents that happened that morning. Many tears were shed. We were also inspired by the stories of humanity that arose in time of crisis – of the firefighters who risked their lives to save as many as they could, the last phone calls to family before death, the sacrifices of many Americans to care for children, husbands, or wives who did not yet know the fates of their loved ones. Many found religion once more and a newfound patriotism rose in the hearts of our countrymen. “United We Stand” was displayed in windows, on doors, and other public places, declaring our allegiance to this great nation. It was a grief-stricken yet beautiful time to be an American.

I will never forget where I was that day, and I hope to never forget to feel the way I felt in the days that followed: love for my neighbors, pride in my country, and an awareness of the fragility of life that helped me to appreciate each day – and each moment – more fully.

Exhaustion

Travelin'Oma, Week 8, Day 4.

Exhaustion.

Today I am very, very tired. It is partly because I am getting over being sick, partly because my children haven't been sleeping very well at night lately, and partly because I am trying to help them learn - and that is exhausting. I feel pretty strongly about raising children to be independent, but I was reminded today of how taxing that can be on a mother.

All I wanted my two-year-old and four-year-old to do this afternoon was to pick up the toys in the playroom, a job that could have taken me ten minutes to do. Instead, we had a battle verging on the magnitude of Gettysburg for several hours until they finally finished the task at hand. For the first hour or so, I maintained my cool (to some degree) while I slowly took away privileges that I had offered at the beginning as a reward for cleaning up - candy corns, popcorn, and a movie after dinner. Not only were they less than compliant in the cleaning up department, but they were fighting, yelling, hitting, and throwing as well, all inappropriate behaviors in our family. By the end, I was not very happy (that is probably an understatement) and they were lucky they didn't have to go to bed before dinner. However, it is now clean and they are in bed, I will be going to bed in a few minutes, and I am still glad that I work so hard to help them be independent, even when it makes my life difficult.

Illustrations

Travelin'Oma, Week 8, Day 3.

Illustrations.

One reason I just love children's books is because of the incredible illustrations. There is a huge variety and some extremely creative endeavors out there. Here are a few peeks at some of my favorite children's illustrations. They aren't necessarily my favorites from each individual book (because mine are still packed and I couldn't scan the pages I wanted to) but they should demonstrate the general feel to each one. (I put the name and author of each book, but not the illustrator - horrible, especially because it's the illustrations that I love, but I need to go to bed...)

Welcome to the Zoo by Alison Jay:

King Bidgood's In the Bathtub by Audrey Wood:

Knuffle Bunny by Mo Willems:

The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn:

Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak:

Orange Pear Apple Bear by Emily Gravett:

Oh, Were They Ever Happy! by Peter Spier:

Jackson Hole, Grand Tetons, and Yellowstone

Travelin'Oma, Week 8, Day 2.

Jackson Hole, Grand Tetons, and Yellowstone.

A couple of weeks ago we went on a trip as a family to Jackson Hole where Joseph presented some of his research at an education conference. After the conference, we headed through Grand Teton National Park and then Yellowstone National Park. I had never been any of those places before. They were breathtakingly beautiful! It was snowy and very, very cold. We had a fabulous time and plan to make another trip there, maybe next year.

Here are some fun pictures of our excursion (you can click on the collages to enlarge them):

Blogging Comments

Travelin’Oma, Week 8, Day 1.

Blogging comments.

I love it when people comment on my blog. It makes me so excited. Maybe because it’s an indication that people actually read my blog occasionally. Maybe because it means that somehow they had related to what I wrote. Maybe because it means someone besides a relative thinks my children are as adorable as I happen to think they are. For whatever reason, I really like the comments.

However, I have a hard time commenting on other peoples’ blogs. Why? Wouldn’t they appreciate the same feedback that I relish getting on my blogging efforts? Of course they would. And yet, I still have a difficult time bringing myself to typing something in that comment form. I think it’s because I’m not funny or terribly profound and a comment form is just the right size for witty one-liners or short sage advice, and I just don’t have lots of that.

Participating in this writing class has encouraged not only my writing on my own blog, but has also helped me to take the leap of leaving comments on other blogs that I read. I still have a long way to go, but hopefully I will get a little better at discarding my insecurities to reach out and demonstrate to others that I appreciate what they have written on their blogs, even if my comments aren’t brilliant every time (or ever…).

Thank you for your comments, my small readership. I really appreciate them. And for those of you who don’t comment, I completely understand and figure that until I become more prolific in my commenting, I can expect no more from you.

Paradigms

Sorry, Travelin’Oma! I was sick with the flu at the end of last week and over the weekend, so here is my make-up work for Friday.

Paradigms.

paradigm: n. a set of assumptions, concepts, values, and practices that constitutes a way of viewing reality

When I was a sophomore in high school, I had my history and English classes combined into one class named “Diversity of Peoples,” taught by Mr. Klimasmith. The first week of class he introduced us to some ethical dilemmas and we had heated discussions about how each of us might handle them. This led us to an in-depth lesson on paradigms and how we each have a paradigm that shapes the way we make decisions and the way we live our lives. As the rest of the school year progressed, each piece of literature, each culture, and each event in history that we studied was considered in light of our individual paradigms as well as attempting to understand more fully the paradigms of the actual people involved in the situation. We tackled some pretty major issues in that class – including my first introduction to the conflict in the Middle East – and we didn’t skirt religion, morality, or war. It was fascinating. It was also an incredible pedagogical approach as I consider it in hindsight.

I always remember that class when I have debates with others about topics that we may not see eye to eye on. I try to understand their paradigm, even when it is difficult for me to relate to. I often disagree with others on politics but I try hard not to be disagreeable. As I remind myself that they do not view the world the way that I do, it helps me to seek understanding even if I still don’t rally to their side of the fence.

A Team

Travelin’Oma, Week 7, Day 4.

A team.

I love family history. I. Love. Family. History. The stories, the newspaper clippings, the journals, the personalities, the fitting together of all of the pieces. I love all of it. I feel so much closer to my ancestors as I learn their stories and find out more about their lives.

One of the things about it that I delight in the most, however, is how much closer it brings me to those family members around me that are still alive. Specifically my mom. We work together on projects all the time, but our greatest teamwork comes together in our family history endeavors. We plan and organize and divide and conquer. Several years ago, when she was living in Washington and I was here in Utah, she would gather information from her family and sort through documents that she had and I would do the leg work here at the Family History Library in Salt Lake City. I was able to find so many of our ancestors and clues to what their lives were like and then pass the information on to her where she could make more connections and send me on more errands to search for more. It was a fabulous system. Sadly, since she moved here a little over three years ago we have not always been great at keeping up on this love of ours (graduate school, having three small children…hmm, I wonder what the holdup has been!). But we still talk and plan and glean what we can to help us when we get back into it full swing of our research.

In finding out more about my ancestors, I have learned to appreciate and love those who have come before me and who have paved the way for the life that I lead, but that appreciation and love has grown more so for my own mother than anyone else. I am glad that she is one of my greatest friends.

Little Orphant Annie

Travelin’Oma, Week 7, Day 3. May I first state that I feel the same way as my mother about Halloween. I hate it. She wrote a great post about it today and if you wonder how I feel about this atrocious holiday (although you probably aren’t doubting my sentiments about it much anymore), and want to see a funny picture of me when I was six, you should check it out. This assignment was my “inspired” post, inspired both by today’s Travelin’Oma post and by the discussion about poetry on her blog awhile ago. This was a perfect chance to write about it.

Little Orphant Annie.

When I met Joseph (my husband) and we were fast becoming best friends, I told him one night that the way I felt when I was with him was just like this one quote that I didn’t really remember but it starts, “Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort…” He finished quoting it from memory right there and told me that he felt just the same way. Later that week he gave me a gift: that quote in a frame, beautifully wrapped. We still display this cherished memento of our love and friendship in our house.

Oh, the comfort —
the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person —
having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words,
but pouring them all right out,
just as they are,
chaff and grain together;
certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them,
keep what is worth keeping,
and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.

- Dinah Craik, The Best Loved Poems of the American People

The night that he quoted it, after I recovered from the pleasant surprise that he knew the rest of that quote by heart, I asked him how he knew it. It was then that I was introduced to one of the greatest heritages that my in-laws gave to their children. They taught them to memorize poetry. Every Monday night, for family night, one of the first orders of business was working together as a family to remember whatever the poem (or quote, or scripture, etc.) was that they were currently learning. Each member of the family had a notebook where they kept a copy of the things they memorized. What an incredible legacy to leave for your posterity!!

When we get together for family reunions, a tradition that is always reenacted is the reciting of Little Orphant Annie (by memory for all of the immediate family members), led by my husband and his sister.

"Little Orphant Annie's come to our house to stay . . ."

Charms

Travelin’Oma, Week 7, Day 2.

Charms.

Just this last weekend, Joseph and I went on a trip with the kids to Jackson Hole, Wyoming, as well as the Grand Teton National Park and Yellowstone National Park. I had never been any of those places before. They were absolutely beautiful! (And VERY cold this time of year, I might add.)

Joseph presented at a research conference in Jackson Hole and then we went out with our children to do a little bit of exploring. While we were at the visitor’s center in Jackson (a marvelous place, by the way – it has examples of all the local wildlife and a large patio area that overlooks the elk refuge area – very cool), we were trying to figure out a good way to do souvenirs for this trip as well as other traveling we do in the future. Since traveling is very important to both Joseph and I, we like to have a way to remember the wonderful things we do. Largely this has been done in the past by collecting postcards. This time we decided on two specific traditions to carry on from now on.

The first still involves postcards. Now we will have each family member who is old enough to do so choose a postcard from where we visit. On the back I will write the person’s name and the month and year of the trip. Additionally, we may ask the kids what their favorite part of the vacation was and then write it on the back (or have them do it once they are old enough). We will compile the postcards in a book of some sort and then be able to glance through them to remember what people remembered most from our trips.

The second souvenir tradition we decided to start was to begin purchasing charms for a necklace for me of things that remind us of trips that Joseph and I have been on together. One per trip. The charm does not have to be purchased on the trip, however. It can be purchased afterward if there is something specific we want to have as a way to remember the adventure that is not to be found in local gift shops. We are doing this retroactively as well. This was wonderful to reflect back on all of the trips we have taken together and laugh at the fond and not-so-fond memories we have of certain places. Funny enough, the item chosen is not necessarily typical for that location. We had a great time reminiscing and trying to think of creative charms to represent each experience.

The charm we bought for this last trip was an elk charm. While we were driving through Yellowstone, we saw many different kinds of wildlife, including a herd of elk grazing and drinking at a river. Joseph got out and took many, many pictures. He also took pictures of a herd of bison and a bull moose. The elk is a fun way to remember this part of our vacation.

We will still certainly purchase special souvenirs on some of our trips in the future and we have many beautiful items in our home from our travels around the world in the past. However, it is memories that are the best souvenirs and so I hope to carry these specially selected memories around my neck frequently to remind me of the wonderful times Joseph and I have had together.

Being Alone

Travelin’Oma, Week 7, Day 1.

Being alone.

I used to hate being alone. I think it was because I was afraid that if I was alone it was because I had to be alone. I associated being alone with being lonely. And I was lonely for many of my growing up years. Being lonely was hard and a much too frequent part of my youth. Thus, being alone symbolized being lonely.

In college, I started to overcome my dislike of being alone – but only a little bit. One summer, my sister and I were roommates in an apartment that was for 3 people, with one “single” room and one “double” room, but it was just the two of us for the summer. My generous sister, who would much rather have had her own room, was wonderful and roomed with me in the double room because I didn’t want to have my own room. I wanted the company. We had a great time together and I love being with her and it also helped me not have as much alone time.

Eventually, I have come to enjoy having time alone. Maybe it’s a result of having three children and having virtually no time to myself! But maybe that’s not all. I think my evolution in this arena came about as I became more comfortable with myself. I am not afraid to be alone anymore. I am still lonely sometimes, but being lonely is no longer equivalent, in my mind, to being alone. I still really enjoy being with people, even if not actively interacting with them, but now and then some time just for me is soothing and comforting, even if just as a reminder to myself that I am okay with who I am and that it is alright for me to be alone now.

Show Them You Care

Travelin’Oma Week 6, Day 5.

Show them you care.

Why is it that so often the people we love the most are the people we don’t treat as thoughtfully? Why are we often more careful with perfect strangers’ feelings than we are of those we love who are around us daily?

I am a culprit of this behavior myself. It makes me sad, but I still do it without meaning to. I think it is because I presume that my family knows I love them and so my actions toward them seem less important than my actions toward others whose impressions of me are guided largely by those actions. That isn’t an excuse, just an attempt to explain it to myself so I can work harder at fixing it.

The ones I adore and love above all others deserve to feel loved and adored by me.

I once again resolve to try harder to be better.

Choosing

Travelin’Oma, Week 6, Day 4.

Choosing.

Note: This is not intended to be preachy in any way. I consider my graduate degree and all that it entailed to be an essential part of my experience in this life, and additionally, I absolutely loved it. It was the right thing for me to do at the time. But now it is right for me to be a mother and I am so grateful for this privelege. This is about my journey. I hope that it gives strength to women to embrace motherhood.

After we had been married a little over a year, I gave birth to our first baby. I taught school all year while I was pregnant and then had Austin the last day of school. When he was about a month old, we went on a road trip to Bozeman, Montana – the three of us. On that trip we decided to look into me pursuing graduate school in the fall. The process of deciding if it was a good idea for me to get a master’s degree at that time of our lives was a difficult one and very spiritual for us, and is a story I won’t share at this time. Miracles occurred as everything fell into place and I was able to begin classes in the fall, when Austin was about 3 months old.

While in graduate school, we had our second child just 18 ½ months after our first was born. Matthew was born December 20, just days after my last final for the semester, and I began taking classes again about 2 weeks later in addition to teaching Calculus at BYU five days a week, all with a commute each day from Sandy to Provo (about 45 minutes) with a newborn in tow. Choosing to have Matthew when we did was another very difficult and spiritually guided decision, and not at all possible without the help of many loved ones who picked up the significant slack our choice created.

I finally finished my thesis and then graduated when Matthew was about 18 months old. While in school, I had loved my interaction with my professors and peers. I had loved researching, reading, analyzing, discussing, and learning. Part of my experience included teaching math classes for undergraduates. I really loved that. We very seriously considered moving and having me pursue my PhD in a prestigious mathematics education program. At the very least we planned to have me continue teaching as an adjunct faculty member at a University in semesters that they needed me.

Upon careful consideration, we decided that for now I would not work toward a PhD. However, after graduating in April 2008, I was slated to teach a class at BYU starting in September. I was so excited. Then a series of miscommunications occurred and we had to make a decision: was teaching really what I should do at this point in life? This was a particularly hard choice because by giving up this teaching position, I would likely give up all future opportunities to teach at BYU as well. After much prayer and thought, we chose not to have me teach. But I didn’t make the most important choice involved until about a month later.

Although I had always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, I had really liked being taken seriously by very intelligent people who were leaders in my field of research. I also relished having an identity separate from my little ones whining and pulling on my sleeves or handing boogers to me. Another aspect of University life that I knew I would miss was trying to give access to mathematics to students who struggled so mightily to succeed in this arena. Thus, giving up this part of my life was worrisome to me, but I felt complete peace in my decision to do so.

Being at home all the time and not creating lesson plans and grading papers when I was at home was a tough adjustment to make. My boys were going through a very trying phase and I was once again pregnant – with Elizabeth. My pregnancies are very difficult and this just added to the chaos of our lives. I was sustained by the peace that I felt from knowing that our decision was the right one, but I was still feeling adrift without direction for figuring out who I was and what I wanted to be.

Once a month had passed, and I had daily reflected on my situation, I finally came to a conclusion that has had a great impact on my life. I decided that I could be “just” a stay-at-home mom and still be me. I didn’t lose my identity by making this choice, I found my identity. I am so much happier now than I ever was while I was in graduate school and trying to live two lives. I have one life now, and it is so rewarding. It is also sometimes frustrating, exhausting, tedious, mundane, and thankless. But it is what I want to do and who I want to be.

I still participate in book clubs, quilting, and other creative activities that don’t necessarily involve my children. This is very important to me. But I have found new joy in cleaning my house, planning meals for my family, and doing laundry. And the greatest joy comes in teaching my children, playing with them at the playground, and snuggling with them on the couch.

For me, being a mother is not a consolation prize to having a meaningful career, it is a gift and a blessing and a conscious decision I have made. Many women choose to have children, but I think more of them would be happier if they also chose to be mothers.

A Traveling Tip for Adventuring With (Young) Children

Travelin’Oma. Week 6. Day 2.

A traveling tip for adventuring with (young) children.

This will be short and sweet.

When I was young and we went on trips as a family, my mom dressed us all in the same clothes (at least the same shirt) so that it was much easier to keep track of us. What a great idea! Additionally, if one of us got lost, she always knew exactly what we were wearing. Plus, pictures were pretty well coordinated as a result!

Can you guess which one I am? It's not that hard to guess... I am the oldest in my family.

P.S. Never mind the disastrous fashion statements of my "lace keepers" on my shoes in the first picture and my jeans in the last picture. I like to tell myself that it was "in" back then.