Little Orphant Annie

Travelin’Oma, Week 7, Day 3. May I first state that I feel the same way as my mother about Halloween. I hate it. She wrote a great post about it today and if you wonder how I feel about this atrocious holiday (although you probably aren’t doubting my sentiments about it much anymore), and want to see a funny picture of me when I was six, you should check it out. This assignment was my “inspired” post, inspired both by today’s Travelin’Oma post and by the discussion about poetry on her blog awhile ago. This was a perfect chance to write about it.

Little Orphant Annie.

When I met Joseph (my husband) and we were fast becoming best friends, I told him one night that the way I felt when I was with him was just like this one quote that I didn’t really remember but it starts, “Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort…” He finished quoting it from memory right there and told me that he felt just the same way. Later that week he gave me a gift: that quote in a frame, beautifully wrapped. We still display this cherished memento of our love and friendship in our house.

Oh, the comfort —
the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person —
having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words,
but pouring them all right out,
just as they are,
chaff and grain together;
certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them,
keep what is worth keeping,
and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.

- Dinah Craik, The Best Loved Poems of the American People

The night that he quoted it, after I recovered from the pleasant surprise that he knew the rest of that quote by heart, I asked him how he knew it. It was then that I was introduced to one of the greatest heritages that my in-laws gave to their children. They taught them to memorize poetry. Every Monday night, for family night, one of the first orders of business was working together as a family to remember whatever the poem (or quote, or scripture, etc.) was that they were currently learning. Each member of the family had a notebook where they kept a copy of the things they memorized. What an incredible legacy to leave for your posterity!!

When we get together for family reunions, a tradition that is always reenacted is the reciting of Little Orphant Annie (by memory for all of the immediate family members), led by my husband and his sister.

"Little Orphant Annie's come to our house to stay . . ."

Charms

Travelin’Oma, Week 7, Day 2.

Charms.

Just this last weekend, Joseph and I went on a trip with the kids to Jackson Hole, Wyoming, as well as the Grand Teton National Park and Yellowstone National Park. I had never been any of those places before. They were absolutely beautiful! (And VERY cold this time of year, I might add.)

Joseph presented at a research conference in Jackson Hole and then we went out with our children to do a little bit of exploring. While we were at the visitor’s center in Jackson (a marvelous place, by the way – it has examples of all the local wildlife and a large patio area that overlooks the elk refuge area – very cool), we were trying to figure out a good way to do souvenirs for this trip as well as other traveling we do in the future. Since traveling is very important to both Joseph and I, we like to have a way to remember the wonderful things we do. Largely this has been done in the past by collecting postcards. This time we decided on two specific traditions to carry on from now on.

The first still involves postcards. Now we will have each family member who is old enough to do so choose a postcard from where we visit. On the back I will write the person’s name and the month and year of the trip. Additionally, we may ask the kids what their favorite part of the vacation was and then write it on the back (or have them do it once they are old enough). We will compile the postcards in a book of some sort and then be able to glance through them to remember what people remembered most from our trips.

The second souvenir tradition we decided to start was to begin purchasing charms for a necklace for me of things that remind us of trips that Joseph and I have been on together. One per trip. The charm does not have to be purchased on the trip, however. It can be purchased afterward if there is something specific we want to have as a way to remember the adventure that is not to be found in local gift shops. We are doing this retroactively as well. This was wonderful to reflect back on all of the trips we have taken together and laugh at the fond and not-so-fond memories we have of certain places. Funny enough, the item chosen is not necessarily typical for that location. We had a great time reminiscing and trying to think of creative charms to represent each experience.

The charm we bought for this last trip was an elk charm. While we were driving through Yellowstone, we saw many different kinds of wildlife, including a herd of elk grazing and drinking at a river. Joseph got out and took many, many pictures. He also took pictures of a herd of bison and a bull moose. The elk is a fun way to remember this part of our vacation.

We will still certainly purchase special souvenirs on some of our trips in the future and we have many beautiful items in our home from our travels around the world in the past. However, it is memories that are the best souvenirs and so I hope to carry these specially selected memories around my neck frequently to remind me of the wonderful times Joseph and I have had together.

Being Alone

Travelin’Oma, Week 7, Day 1.

Being alone.

I used to hate being alone. I think it was because I was afraid that if I was alone it was because I had to be alone. I associated being alone with being lonely. And I was lonely for many of my growing up years. Being lonely was hard and a much too frequent part of my youth. Thus, being alone symbolized being lonely.

In college, I started to overcome my dislike of being alone – but only a little bit. One summer, my sister and I were roommates in an apartment that was for 3 people, with one “single” room and one “double” room, but it was just the two of us for the summer. My generous sister, who would much rather have had her own room, was wonderful and roomed with me in the double room because I didn’t want to have my own room. I wanted the company. We had a great time together and I love being with her and it also helped me not have as much alone time.

Eventually, I have come to enjoy having time alone. Maybe it’s a result of having three children and having virtually no time to myself! But maybe that’s not all. I think my evolution in this arena came about as I became more comfortable with myself. I am not afraid to be alone anymore. I am still lonely sometimes, but being lonely is no longer equivalent, in my mind, to being alone. I still really enjoy being with people, even if not actively interacting with them, but now and then some time just for me is soothing and comforting, even if just as a reminder to myself that I am okay with who I am and that it is alright for me to be alone now.

Show Them You Care

Travelin’Oma Week 6, Day 5.

Show them you care.

Why is it that so often the people we love the most are the people we don’t treat as thoughtfully? Why are we often more careful with perfect strangers’ feelings than we are of those we love who are around us daily?

I am a culprit of this behavior myself. It makes me sad, but I still do it without meaning to. I think it is because I presume that my family knows I love them and so my actions toward them seem less important than my actions toward others whose impressions of me are guided largely by those actions. That isn’t an excuse, just an attempt to explain it to myself so I can work harder at fixing it.

The ones I adore and love above all others deserve to feel loved and adored by me.

I once again resolve to try harder to be better.

Choosing

Travelin’Oma, Week 6, Day 4.

Choosing.

Note: This is not intended to be preachy in any way. I consider my graduate degree and all that it entailed to be an essential part of my experience in this life, and additionally, I absolutely loved it. It was the right thing for me to do at the time. But now it is right for me to be a mother and I am so grateful for this privelege. This is about my journey. I hope that it gives strength to women to embrace motherhood.

After we had been married a little over a year, I gave birth to our first baby. I taught school all year while I was pregnant and then had Austin the last day of school. When he was about a month old, we went on a road trip to Bozeman, Montana – the three of us. On that trip we decided to look into me pursuing graduate school in the fall. The process of deciding if it was a good idea for me to get a master’s degree at that time of our lives was a difficult one and very spiritual for us, and is a story I won’t share at this time. Miracles occurred as everything fell into place and I was able to begin classes in the fall, when Austin was about 3 months old.

While in graduate school, we had our second child just 18 ½ months after our first was born. Matthew was born December 20, just days after my last final for the semester, and I began taking classes again about 2 weeks later in addition to teaching Calculus at BYU five days a week, all with a commute each day from Sandy to Provo (about 45 minutes) with a newborn in tow. Choosing to have Matthew when we did was another very difficult and spiritually guided decision, and not at all possible without the help of many loved ones who picked up the significant slack our choice created.

I finally finished my thesis and then graduated when Matthew was about 18 months old. While in school, I had loved my interaction with my professors and peers. I had loved researching, reading, analyzing, discussing, and learning. Part of my experience included teaching math classes for undergraduates. I really loved that. We very seriously considered moving and having me pursue my PhD in a prestigious mathematics education program. At the very least we planned to have me continue teaching as an adjunct faculty member at a University in semesters that they needed me.

Upon careful consideration, we decided that for now I would not work toward a PhD. However, after graduating in April 2008, I was slated to teach a class at BYU starting in September. I was so excited. Then a series of miscommunications occurred and we had to make a decision: was teaching really what I should do at this point in life? This was a particularly hard choice because by giving up this teaching position, I would likely give up all future opportunities to teach at BYU as well. After much prayer and thought, we chose not to have me teach. But I didn’t make the most important choice involved until about a month later.

Although I had always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, I had really liked being taken seriously by very intelligent people who were leaders in my field of research. I also relished having an identity separate from my little ones whining and pulling on my sleeves or handing boogers to me. Another aspect of University life that I knew I would miss was trying to give access to mathematics to students who struggled so mightily to succeed in this arena. Thus, giving up this part of my life was worrisome to me, but I felt complete peace in my decision to do so.

Being at home all the time and not creating lesson plans and grading papers when I was at home was a tough adjustment to make. My boys were going through a very trying phase and I was once again pregnant – with Elizabeth. My pregnancies are very difficult and this just added to the chaos of our lives. I was sustained by the peace that I felt from knowing that our decision was the right one, but I was still feeling adrift without direction for figuring out who I was and what I wanted to be.

Once a month had passed, and I had daily reflected on my situation, I finally came to a conclusion that has had a great impact on my life. I decided that I could be “just” a stay-at-home mom and still be me. I didn’t lose my identity by making this choice, I found my identity. I am so much happier now than I ever was while I was in graduate school and trying to live two lives. I have one life now, and it is so rewarding. It is also sometimes frustrating, exhausting, tedious, mundane, and thankless. But it is what I want to do and who I want to be.

I still participate in book clubs, quilting, and other creative activities that don’t necessarily involve my children. This is very important to me. But I have found new joy in cleaning my house, planning meals for my family, and doing laundry. And the greatest joy comes in teaching my children, playing with them at the playground, and snuggling with them on the couch.

For me, being a mother is not a consolation prize to having a meaningful career, it is a gift and a blessing and a conscious decision I have made. Many women choose to have children, but I think more of them would be happier if they also chose to be mothers.

A Traveling Tip for Adventuring With (Young) Children

Travelin’Oma. Week 6. Day 2.

A traveling tip for adventuring with (young) children.

This will be short and sweet.

When I was young and we went on trips as a family, my mom dressed us all in the same clothes (at least the same shirt) so that it was much easier to keep track of us. What a great idea! Additionally, if one of us got lost, she always knew exactly what we were wearing. Plus, pictures were pretty well coordinated as a result!

Can you guess which one I am? It's not that hard to guess... I am the oldest in my family.

P.S. Never mind the disastrous fashion statements of my "lace keepers" on my shoes in the first picture and my jeans in the last picture. I like to tell myself that it was "in" back then.

Journal Keeping

Travelin’Oma Week 6, Day 1. Oma had some family emergencies last week and so we had a little break. I missed it! I’m so glad this class is 12 weeks long!

Journal keeping.

I have four very good examples of people that come to mind when I think of excellent journal keepers. Debby (my sister), Rebekah (my cousin), Tom (my uncle), and Jenalyn (a friend). They have been fabulous at providing a benchmark of what I strive for but fall tremendously short of. In fact, the rest of our family often calls Debby when in need of finding out when something in the past may have happened (even if it was important to us and not central to her own life) – it is often recorded in her journal. In my ideal life, I am a perfect journal keeper. But in reality, I am VERY far from it.

I think the main problem with this is that I am such an all-or-nothing person. If I can’t do something all the way, I don’t like to do it at all. So a 4 sentence entry in a journal isn’t worth it to me when I know that I would really need 4 pages to do the memories justice. This all-or-nothing attitude is something I have been working on for years and am getting much better at in general, but sadly, it still applies in a significant way to my journaling efforts.

In an attempt to overcome this, I am going to record here 5 ways that I have kept up with my personal history in other ways throughout the years so that I can remember that I am doing something to record my life, even if not in ways that I think of as “ideal.”

1. Weekly family update emails
2. Blogging
3. Photo albums
4. Letter writing (with copies of the letters)
5. Verbally sharing memories together as a family so that the memories stay fresher in my mind so that when I get around to writing them down they are easier to remember.