Excuses

Travelin’Oma, here I go. Week 3, Day 1.

Excuses.

So I made a list of ten things today that keep me from writing. They were all just excuses. When I tried to think of how to remedy these things that keep me away from capturing my thoughts in words, the solution to each was, “You know your way around this problem easily. You are just afraid.” I have many things implemented that I need to write already. My three children all take a “rest” every afternoon for a few hours. Some days they fall asleep, other days they just read, but it is time for me for a couple hours every day. I already carry notebooks in my purse, have them by my bed, have lists of ideas for projects and other to-do items scattered everyway (scattered in a pretty organized way, actually) and could easily use this system to write down things to write about. But instead I mull them over in my mind, too afraid to write them down. I have a very thorough filing and digital system to document quotes, thoughts, etc. But there the ideas remain idle, never to be put to use creatively.

As I mentioned earlier, fear is the main culprit (and the main excuse, so it seems…). I am afraid that something that seems really funny or meaningful in my head will sputter and collapse and end up displayed for all to see as the inadequate and incomplete thought that comes out when I write. I will have exposed myself and be left standing while everyone points their fingers and laughs. Or worse, they will walk away bored and confused.

This all seems pretty pathetic. But, sadly, it's true.

I didn’t want to write this post, because I don’t want pity. I am still processing why this is such a battle and trying very hard to work through it. I guess I didn’t know how deep it really ran until I have had such an unnerving time facing it today.

So I will attempt to throw off the excuses, and use these systems that I have in place to learn. To overcome. To conquer. To be a better woman. And to teach my children that just because something is difficult – or specifically because it is so difficult – is precisely why it is worth working on.